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Dealing with loud youth coaches

AllardyceShoutsPA_468x400 — SHOUTY SHOUTY

Following on from refereeing a feisty Sunday morning match, I had an Under 15s game.

Youth football is interesting as the attitude of a team is clearly imprinted by those involved in coaching them. This isn’t just the coach. It includes parents, school environments and others involved in helping out.

Everyone involved in this game had their heart in the right place, including the players. There was just one caution for kicking the ball away which was very blatant (The captain ran up and did it just as the opposing team was going to take the free kick!)

However, this game did feature a Loud Youth Coach (LYC). My default attitude is ‘Yay!’ when it comes to refereeing but following on from my morning game I was not going to take any stick either. Following a free kick against his team (late challenge on the goalkeeper) he was loudly dissenting from the sidelines: “How is that a free kick? Are you not allowed to touch the ‘keeper nowadays?”.

He was loud enough for anyone to hear so I clearly shouted back “That’s enough, xxx. I will not tolerate any more criticism of my decisions from you!”. I was setting my stall out very early on this one. This worked and things calmed down for the rest of the half. He did approach me in a friendly manner at half time and I happily explained my decision and he accepted it. I am always happy to discuss my decisions with those who ask in a calm manner (I hear some referees will not!).

The second half was interesting as I became aware of some raised voices from the same area of the pitch again. Someone had approached the coach and there was a loud discussion. Fearing a confrontation, and preferring a pre-emptive approach, I stopped play and sprinted over. It turned out to be an official from the opposition who was having a gentle word about the coach’s conduct as well! Nothing to worry about and the game continued.

I did chuckle later on when one of the coach’s players went down in the penalty area. I didn’t give the penalty and he was not impressed! However, one of his own players then turned round and said: “Shut up, xxx, he just slipped!”.

The key here is to deal with the slightly more ‘vigorous’ coaches early on. Like with many things, it is important for the referee to set his standard for the game EARLY.

What sort of message would it send if the referee just lets the coaches loudly berate him or her during the game?

Me vs Sunday morning football

On Sunday morning I had a veterans league cup game. It featured a Div 3 team vs a Div 4 team so perhaps no surprises that the Div 3 team won pretty convincingly. That said, the skill level was not the highest I have seen and at one point I was starting to think that if it was not for the penalties no goals were going to be scored.

Tempers rose at one point with a big case of ‘handbags’ between two players, starting with the usual “I’ve got to f**king work in the morning!” Normally I would just have a strong word the first time but on this occasion the players stepped over the edge. Not only was there significant pushing and shoving, it was accompanied by the usual ‘see you in the car park’ threats and swearing. I cautioned both.

Cautioning in Sunday morning football is a trial by fire. “It’s just Sunday football, ref” was the annoyed response. As I said to the Captains before the game, my refereeing style is that I referee to the game. If it is all clean passes and kittens then great. If it becomes narky then I’m taking action.

There were several penalties in this game. Two of them (against the losing side) provoked further problems.

The first was a cross into the box which hit the arm of a defender. The arm was stretched out to the side so no question of the penalty and this was not really disputed. However, as it was a blatant break-up of the attacking play I cautioned. Again, “It’s just Sunday football, ref” and “Get a grip!”. I cautioned for exactly the same thing in a Saturday game recently and the player accepted it and moved on. It’s an attitude thing.

The second was the goalkeeper shoving an attacker square in the back as the ball was sailing in from above. The problem here was that it was as a corner was flying in. Everyone was watching the ball whereas I was watching the players. The only people on the pitch that knew about the push were the goalkeeper and the attacker he pushed over! Oh, and me of course hence I awarded the penalty. Predictably, the goalkeeper protested his innocence and it was a REALLY tough penalty to sell.

By this point I was no friend of the losing team in the slightest and I was generally accused by them of ruining the game.

Looking back, I’m not sure what I could have changed but am welcome to any input. It might be telling that a referee I worked with recently (Level 4 and on the county Development Programme) said he basically gave up refereeing Sunday football because of how enforcing the Laws just gets you into trouble! After all, I’ve recently had Sunday teams turn up in black kits and not know what it means when you win the coin toss. Sigh.

Despite the above, there are some Sunday players and even entire teams with great spirit who both know the Laws and play with great sportsmanship. I just hope I’ll meet them more often!

The Final Three Points

This was my #4 speech from the Toastmaster‘s Competent Communicator manual. I had given #5 in the recent Humorous Speech Contest so taking a little detour in the ordering!

This speech had the goal of ‘How to Say It‘ so I decided to tell the story of the day I finally got my black belt in judo.

This was not what I consider a good performance by me. For a start, this was my second attempt on the evening (hence the slightly strange beginning). A combination of poor preparation and personal life stress did not mix well: I gave up after 30 seconds due to going blank and gave myself a good mental kicking during the next speech in order to try again afterwards. I am very thankful to the support of Farnham Speakers on that! Anyway, this ultimately meant I could not relax fully into the speech which I feel is obvious on the video at times.

That said, there are positives! I left longer pauses for the obvious laughs that I wanted which worked well. I received a good evaluation on the use of language which of course was the goal of this speech anyway. Finally, this won Best Prepared Speech on the night.

Ultimately, the lack of preparation is letting me down. That’s completely my fault and I raised this last time! Knowing a speech backwards is what nails it as then you can work on enjoying it and making it outstanding.

Next time…

Reading the riot act

I am a big believer in that the referee should be pretty much invisible. The game should flow and be about the players. However, there are times when the referee must deliberately raise his profile.

One of the leagues that I referee on is a youth league. Following some positive feedback on how I dealt with a severe Violent Conduct recently, I have been put on the ‘games of note’ list for the league. This means that I get given games where one or both of the teams have become ‘known’…

Youth games can be refereed by other youths. They may naturally be fantastic referees but due to their age can start with a disadvantage with regard to winning respect from some players, managers and spectators. Note: some. I regularly smile at some of the great sportsmanship that is shown within the game! Anyway, as (allegedly) a fully grown man I can be sent in as a ‘stunt referee’ as required.

I had one of these games at the weekend.

No problems to begin with. It was a tight game and I remember thinking that I had not had to give any fouls for at least the first ten minutes. Could it last…?

The problem was that the goals started to come. In a very one-sided fashion. The losing team responded by becoming a lot more physical and frustrated in the second half (They ended up losing 10-0).

I dismissed one of their players for Violent Conduct (an open handed chest strike). This was claimed to be a retaliation but I did not see the alleged first incident and can only give what I see!

Shortly after this, there was a late challenge for the ball from the same team which shoulder-charged the opponent to the ground. It wasn’t just late but tinged with maliciousness.

This was when I had to raise my profile and essentially ‘read the riot act’. I raised my voice so that pretty much anyone around was going to hear me and pulled the offender and the captain over. I made it very clear that they had stepped over the line and that the captain now had to get control of his team. This was finalised with a caution for the dodgy challenge.

This had the desired effect. Those challenges stopped although the losing team also pretty much gave up.

The referee’s presence over the game must match the spirit in which it is played. Just as this means being invisible during a good, friendly game, it means rising to the challenge of maintaining control when a flashpoint occurs.

It has not escaped my attention that I have now dismissed someone for Violent Conduct in my last three youth games. One of those players is now on a ‘sine die’ suspension.

SEE ALSO: Fine for 43minutes! which talks of ‘bossing it’ when games get more heated.

Competition Time: My first Humorous Speech

This was my entry into the Farnham Speakers Humorous Speech Contest 2010. It was a speech of firsts: The first deliberately humorous speech I have written and also my first attempt at entering any form of speaking contest!

This has been the easiest speech of mine to write and perform. Most of it was poured onto paper when sitting round the kitchen table at the peaceful Castle Farm. It then sat around for a bit until I finally edited it and started practising… the day before the contest! Thankfully, the (true-ish) story-telling nature of the project made it easy to remember.

The quality of the speeches on the night was very high. I was on last so hearing how great everyone else was did little for my nerves! Thankfully, I love performing and as this is very much a performance speech it was easy to hit my flow.

People laughed and not in sympathy. I was also very happy (and somewhat surprised) to win the competition. Unfortunately, I can’t advance to the Area contest as the club is not yet charted… never mind, next year then!

However, there is no speech in Toastmasters without feedback! I’ve already mentioned the positives so here is what I feel I need to work on:

PREPARATION: I need to stop finishing writing my speeches the day before they are due to be given. More time with my mentor and honing them would make a huge difference.
LET THEM LAUGH: A couple of people have commented I need to leave more room for laughter. I had this sussed in some places but clearly not in others. Admittedly, I was worried I might run out of time…. in the end this was not an issue at all.
VOCAL VARIETY: I can do strong and powerful. I need vocal variety to make the strong elements ring through. This is going to be my next project.

It was a fun night. I am now idly thinking of trying a little bit of stand-up…

Alice Holt 10k 2010

Farnham Runners Alice Holt Races — Nearly there...

Time for another 10k! This one was the Alice Holt 10k as organised by Farnham Runners. The forest is just up the road from me and I had been doing a few training runs there. Another link is that the speed training sessions that I have been doing recently have been with the club.

I was back to regular refereeing and had even managed 10k in training so my fitness levels were better than last time. This was good as I was disappointed with my performance at the Hard As Snails 10k and knew I had to do a lot better!

The weather was wonderful. The course was certainly easier going than the Hard As Snails event so I suppose in a way I was well prepared (despite my lack of hill training in general…again!). It was perhaps a little cruel of the organisers to put the same evil hill at both 4km and 9km though due to the looping nature of the route.

I certainly welcomed sponges being made available at the water stations as it tends to be over-heating that hampers my performance before my cardio or muscles start to give in. One of those little touches that makes all the difference to an event.

My chip time was 52:19 which ranked me 210th out of 428 runners. More importantly, it is my all-time PB. That said, I have a long way to go to get the sorts of times I would be proud of. My style is burst running which suits refereeing perfectly but I still want to be much faster!

Now, by way of comparison, here is me before the race:

… and here I am finishing, not quite as fresh faced! I am bouncing after the sprint to make sure I land on the timing mats properly!

Remember the name

David Lurie wrote an interesting article recently with a self-explanatory title: 5 Tricks for Remembering Names.

This got me thinking as it is something I do really need to work on. When I turn up at a game to referee it, chances are most of the people there I will not have met before: There will be the club officials (secretary, manager, coach, physio, to begin with!) and the players. Multiply that by two.

It stands to reason that it really helps to build a rapport with people if you actually remember and use their name! Especially if, as referee, you want to give the impression that you do care about the game and are not just there to scowl, blow your whistle and pick up your money at the end.

Think about the long term as well: If you are visiting a team that you have refereed a few times before but don’t recall any of their names, that will not look so good. Depending on your performance the previous time they may remember you really well 😉 This has been really powerful when I’ve used it with players before: Mainly because I cautioned them in the last game! It’s almost a discrete, “Hey, I’m watching”.

Some points of my own that I will add onto the back of David’s article:

ACTUALLY LISTEN: This is where I fall down. I listen to what people say in terms of the content but I seem to automatically filter out their name as ‘not relevant’. So make an effort to pick it up, use it, repeat it to yourself, visualise it as a sign on their forehead, whatever you like!
USE YOUR NOTEBOOK: This is not something you can get away with without looking strange when normally meeting people. However, as a referee you are expected to be jotting things down in your ‘little black book’ and things like manager names and the like definitely fall into this category. It is also part of the ‘Look Like You Know What You Are Doing’ toolset!
SOME PLAYERS ARE SPECIAL: If your match is using team sheets then you have 22 players + subs to memorise. Unlikely to happen! However, try and memorise the key players: Captains and goalkeepers, for example. During play if a player becomes special then discretely check your notebook and start using their name. It can help get their attention a lot better but use your judgement.

Do you have any tips for remembering names? Ever had a bad situation because you have forgotten, or perhaps BECAUSE you used a name?

Positioning and rapport: Keeping on the right side of players

personal-space — Stay close... or distant!

Physical positioning is a key aspect of building rapport with people. There is a lot to this concept including various NLP principles. An excellent general article on this subject has been written by Nicky Kriel: Communication – Let’s get Physical! and I strongly recommend that you take a look. The article details how space, angles and sides come into play.

We use these when refereeing to deliberately elicit the desired response as part of a stepped approach to discipline:

THE QUIET WORD: Running up to a player discreetly during play and asking them to calm down, or explaining something you have heard them grumbling about. Typically side by side, so it does not feel confrontational or lecturing. The positioning is saying: “Hey, we’re on the same side here”.
THE NOT SO QUIET WORD:Raised voice from a distance: “That’s enough now”, “I’ve seen it, I played the advantage”, “GREAT challenge!” If aimed at a player the intention is also to let others know things have been seen or heard! The eye contact is there but no change in positioning from the referee. The positioning is saying: “Here’s my comment for everyone to hear, but we are just getting on with things!”.
THE TALKING TO: Play is stopped for this. The player is taken to a neutral spot and addressed head on. “I don’t want to see any more challenges like that”, “This is your last warning: Stop questioning my decisions”, “I’m cautioning you for that tackle”. Gestures are used so that the other players on the pitch have an idea what is going on! The positioning is saying: “I’m not being nice now, I AM lecturing you and everyone is getting to see why!”

The positioning in the above cases has a real impact on the game and the players. Imagine how you would feel if they were twisted around? A ‘quiet word’ when someone draws attention to it and is looking at you head on and invading your personal space? How about you’ve done something REALLY bad but someone just comes up to you side-on and says, “Don’t do it again”: Would you actually feel disciplined or instead that you had just got away with something? How would it look to spectators?

Positioning is a powerful force with building rapport and vital for keeping control of a match. Do you have any positioning tricks?

Violent Conduct: Drawing the line

Violent Conduct results in a clear dismissal when it happens. The relevant part of the Laws Of The Game are as follows:

A player is guilty of violent conduct if he uses excessive force or brutality against an opponent when not challenging for the ball.

He is also guilty of violent conduct if he uses excessive force or brutality against a team-mate, spectator, match official or any other person.

Violent conduct may occur either on the field of play or outside its boundaries, whether the ball is in play or not.

A clear line has to be drawn that this is totally unacceptable in the game. This is a more obvious line in some cases: My first dismissal for Violent Conduct was following a player deliberately stamping on the head of their opponent.

In my most recent game as Assistant Referee, two players were dismissed for Violent Conduct after getting into a fight. It started as ‘handbags’ but a few punches were thrown. No question: Dismissal. The furore afterwards also resulted in a team manager being ordered away from the touchline by the referee.

That was bad enough but the irksome bit was the comment “It shouldn’t have been a red card; it wasn’t a proper fight”. Not a proper fight?! In my eyes, even an attempt to strike or preparing to throw a punch is going to result in a dismissal. Remember that we dismiss for ‘touching heads’ even though it is not what would traditionally be called a head butt.

I’d be very concerned if some referees were being soft on this one as it has to be a zero-tolerance line. Equally, the players and team officials need to treat it as such as well. Certainly never players ‘blowing off steam’ …

Have you encountered any ‘borderline’ Violent Conduct? Where do you feel that ‘adopting an aggressive attitude’ (Unsporting Behaviour) comes in instead?

Some non-borderline cases:

Minding the language

Keeping a form of control on ‘industrial language’ is one of those niggling refereeing problems. The referee has the power of dismissal for this criteria:

using offensive, insulting or abusive language and/or gestures

The language in question can be in use in any way: Towards the referee, towards a player’s own team, the opposition, a spectator… It just has to be deemed to fit the criteria by the referee.

The problem is: Where do you draw the line? An instinctive expletive after missing a goal? Frustration at an incomplete pass? A cry out in pain after a dodgy tackle?

In my last game acting as Assistant, the referee took great control of this. He briefed the managers and captains that he was not going to tolerate any swearing other than the instinctive type. Now, most referees will take firm action at any such language towards themselves but he was implementing a general policy.

It worked really well. He was very stern with those who went against it and the clamping down really helped with showing authority and good match control. I have had very good games where the only complaint afterwards has been about the language: “There were children present” / “There are houses bordering the ground” / “We tell our players to keep it clean; what about the opposition?”

Of course, NOT doing anything about it is still complying with the Laws of The Game, as this is one where it is down to the opinion of the referee as to what is offensive or not! However, is it right?

I’m going to give this one a whirl in my next game as I feel I may have been a little soft on general swearing up to now. Wish me luck!