David Lurie wrote an interesting article recently with a self-explanatory title: 5 Tricks for Remembering Names.
This got me thinking as it is something I do really need to work on. When I turn up at a game to referee it, chances are most of the people there I will not have met before: There will be the club officials (secretary, manager, coach, physio, to begin with!) and the players. Multiply that by two.
It stands to reason that it really helps to build a rapport with people if you actually remember and use their name! Especially if, as referee, you want to give the impression that you do care about the game and are not just there to scowl, blow your whistle and pick up your money at the end.
Think about the long term as well: If you are visiting a team that you have refereed a few times before but don’t recall any of their names, that will not look so good. Depending on your performance the previous time they may remember you really well 😉 This has been really powerful when I’ve used it with players before: Mainly because I cautioned them in the last game! It’s almost a discrete, “Hey, I’m watching”.
Some points of my own that I will add onto the back of David’s article:
- ACTUALLY LISTEN: This is where I fall down. I listen to what people say in terms of the content but I seem to automatically filter out their name as ‘not relevant’. So make an effort to pick it up, use it, repeat it to yourself, visualise it as a sign on their forehead, whatever you like!
- USE YOUR NOTEBOOK: This is not something you can get away with without looking strange when normally meeting people. However, as a referee you are expected to be jotting things down in your ‘little black book’ and things like manager names and the like definitely fall into this category. It is also part of the ‘Look Like You Know What You Are Doing’ toolset!
- SOME PLAYERS ARE SPECIAL: If your match is using team sheets then you have 22 players + subs to memorise. Unlikely to happen! However, try and memorise the key players: Captains and goalkeepers, for example. During play if a player becomes special then discretely check your notebook and start using their name. It can help get their attention a lot better but use your judgement.
Do you have any tips for remembering names? Ever had a bad situation because you have forgotten, or perhaps BECAUSE you used a name?
What I tend to do to remember names is
1) Pay attention – names are important to people
1) repeat people’s names internally and make a funny connection, such as a rhyme or connect them with an object. Your brain is great at remembering funny, it loves the absurd!
2) use their name as soon as possible after they say it, even if it is to check that I have heard it correctly
Great article!
The brain works by association so it is useful to see if the person looks like someone you already know (or completely different).with the same name. Imagining them doing something slightly wacky helps – make it as multi sensory as you can.
Saying the name straight away is also effective (“Andy this is Ursula” – “Hello Ursula how do you do”) and then repeat the name in your head when they move on. Make a point of going up to them and asking a question using their name and when you say goodbye. The repetition builds the memory pattern.
And if all else fails you can always own up that you have forgotten and ask them their name again , chances are they have forgotten yours too.
I always use a players name when refereeing, IF I can remember it. As you say, you can’t remember all 22 players but certain ones stick out for reasons of either their ability, their open-ness or their attitude towards the referee.
I have, on several occassions, been accused of bias (without my integrity being questioned) when I use a players name, and always by an opponent. A short explanation that I only know him because I hear his teammates use the name soon puts a stop to any thoughts of favouritism. Unless of course I actually do know him, and that happens often enough in Portsmouth. I have been on the football scene for over 20 years, I know a lot of the players socially as well as on the pitch! It makes no difference though, they deserve a booking, they get it.